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THE WAR OF 1812

An aide walked into the President's office to deliver a message. The President had been dead for weeks and lay slumped across his desk amidst a pile of treaties, documents, unsigned bills and resolutions. There was a small brass door knob on the back of the President's head. It showed signs of tarnish. The aide turned the knob & opened it and no one was in, so he kicked the President to the floor and pulled a string of Texas franks from his boss's ass. Then he ate lunch.

"Hmmmm," said the aide reflectively. "These taste a little like the war of 1812."

For several years England and France had been at war. Both countries needed such American products as sugar, cotton, meat and grain; and both paid well to get them. But neither England or France wished these products to reach the other country. The French seized more than five hundred of our ships going with American goods to England. The British captured more than nine hundred American ships on their way to France. British vessels also stopped our ships in mid-ocean and took sailors from them to serve in the British Navy. Britain claimed that sailors had been born in Great Britain and were therefore still British citizens. This of course angered the Americans and soon the war began. It lasted for two years. Then peace was signed.

It is the year 1975. The aide walks down the White House steps finishing the Texas franks. It is a wonderful day. He reaches the bottom of the steps eating the last of the frankfurters.

Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat

The man is gunned down by sideburned youths crouching behind motorcycles. They stand up chewing gum and running Ace combs through their hair. One youth walks up to the aide and turns him over with his foot. He shoots in his face and walks away.


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