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THE AMERICAN LEGION

In old fashion madness top of building sad man no heart no money crash desperate boldness down . . . but arrested in mid-flight by convention of American Legionnaires out on Broadway with paper hats & strips of 'smoker' films drag from pocket on their way to tuck women at Anti Saloon League Headquarters on Fremont St. between Brush and Grant.

"Blue Laws," coughs one, his breath like a white zero.

"Fifty-four forty or fight!" call Bob Groat from Kansas as cigar flown in special from France explode in his face leaving the man with ripped collar and dumb eyes.

"Custard's last fight." calls Ed Baboon from Maine lifting his sword to the smokey night and the men all jump on a subway & zoom to Little Big Horn and they find marble monument of great fight and everyone opens flasks from hip pocket and lean against dead cavalry tell traveling salesman jokes and remember Tipparary and Big Bertha, the Zimmerman Note.

"Monitor & Mameroneck!" shouts Pete Thingsted from Florida a Grand Wizard bedecked in mothy uniform and the men all hop aboard a passing freight train with cans of mulligan stew and shoes with holes in the bottom; caps straight from Grapes of Wrath, arriving at Hampton Road nightfall all gather around a fire and watch...the Confederate ship unable to ram or hit Yankee cheese box of a raft as they call her get so serious damage by Monitor's 11-inch shells and she withdrew to Norfolk. The battle left the Union brocade intact and demonstrate the superiority of ironclads over wooden ships of war.

"Tippicanoe and Tyler too," said Jim Hawkins from Ohio & the men all leaped a passing vegetable truck and rode to Benjamin Harrison's home where in the pearly mist of morning they saw Harrison on the back lawn with 134 life-size cardboard cut outs of Tyler upon which he was drawing long erections and then set the whole mess aflame & invited the American Legionnaires inside for a bowl of Instant Ralston and a taste of brandy.

Missouri Compromise, Spoils System, Shay's Rebellion, Dred Scott Case, Compromise of 1850, Bacon's Rebellion, Chinese Exclusion Acts, Gag Rules, Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act, Greenbackism, Mason and Dixon Line, Ku-Klux-Klan, Morgan's Raid, Payne-Aldrich Tariff, Patroons, Rum Romanism and Rebellion....

The Legionnaires jumped in Old's Tornado and went to Bethlehem !


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